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strange…

My my, isn’t life strange? Who would have thought that the crazy one who recoiled at even the threat of touch would be missing hugs, affection, and being held? Certainly not me. It’s strange to go from having my Giant Teddy Bear or my Aunt Beast or, to an extent, a few others, to just hug randomly and hold me if I needed it to having relatively nothing.

My Giant Teddy Bear I miss a lot right now. He knew exactly when I was feeling the need to be held and could differentiate that from the simple mood for a hug. And Aunt Beast, always there not just physically for a hug but emotionally also. I miss them… 

I’m sitting in my room, listening of course to somewhat sad music, missing them and wanting, strangely, to just sort of… be held. I don’t know how else to explain it. I don’t get it. 

And I can’t ask for it. Because I have established myself as not liking touch. It’s weird. You know? 

Any thoughts on this latest conundrum? I mean, it’s good to be close to people… but it’s also so much… harder.

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Author:

“As you know, I am a petal borne aloft on the autumn wind. It should say that in my file.” I like my alone time but get lonely frequently. I am dependable and trustworthy, a hard worker, and if I say I will do something, it will most likely be done. I am daily learning who I am and how I relate to people. I sing almost constantly. (Some would say I’m crazy or weird… I’m ok with that.) I am a singing, dancing photographer/writer/web-editor/proofreader who wants to change the world. I am on the cusp of a quarter-life crisis, navigating the ups and downs of becoming a grown-up. I find that as a twenty-nine year old woman, many of my friends seem to have the life I want: jobs in fields they love (with decent salaries), boyfriends, fiances, children, etc., while I seem somewhat stuck in a mediocre job with little time for a social life. I am a Christian trying to apply my very real faith to my equally real life. I have perfectionist tendencies which I blame on being an oldest child. I think that about covers it so... yeah.

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