strange…

My my, isn’t life strange? Who would have thought that the crazy one who recoiled at even the threat of touch would be missing hugs, affection, and being held? Certainly not me. It’s strange to go from having my Giant Teddy Bear or my Aunt Beast or, to an extent, a few others, to just hug randomly and hold me if I needed it to having relatively nothing.

My Giant Teddy Bear I miss a lot right now. He knew exactly when I was feeling the need to be held and could differentiate that from the simple mood for a hug. And Aunt Beast, always there not just physically for a hug but emotionally also. I miss them… 

I’m sitting in my room, listening of course to somewhat sad music, missing them and wanting, strangely, to just sort of… be held. I don’t know how else to explain it. I don’t get it. 

And I can’t ask for it. Because I have established myself as not liking touch. It’s weird. You know? 

Any thoughts on this latest conundrum? I mean, it’s good to be close to people… but it’s also so much… harder.

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