Over and Over Again…

I could live yesterday over and over again. The weather was hot but beautiful. I got to have breakfast with a good friend. I sat outside for half an hour before class, drinking a can of mocha flavored Starbucks Doubleshot. Then another friend and I left class early. We went to the gas station where she bought the same drink I had earlier and I got a slice of pizza so I wouldn’t be starving at work. We hung out in the park for probably 45 minutes, taking ridiculous pictures. It was glorious. Work was way too hot and busy. But I still wouldn’t change it. After work, I ran through the shower and watched TV for a bit then went to another class, which we had outside! Then I came back to the house, made some tuna salad so it would be cold later, then went outside and read for over an hour. Another friend stopped by so she could do laundry at the Commons. Then House was on.

Sure, some stuff wasn’t great, like putting too much mayo in my tuna or having to work in the hot dining hall. But it was a really good day. And I would live it over and over again, every part.

conquering fears…

I found myself at (big surprise) Margie’s house on Wednesday evening. Sam was reading the Reese’s Puffs box which had a list of things to do before you turn 18. We went through the list. I hadn’t done a lot of them.  Neither had he.  He read one about conquering one’s biggest fear. Then he said, “I did that! Last summer, remember, the tree stumps!”

Sam used to be afraid of tree stumps in the water (long story but yes they are there). There are, in fact, several in the water by Sam’s house where he’d swim. I found one and I was standing on it being silly, as usual.  I tried to get Sam to come out to it. He was hesitant. But he put on his crocs and swam out all the time asking, “Where is it? Am I going to hit it?” “No Sammy, I’m standing on it.” As he got closer and could no longer touch the bottom I could tell he was scared. I held out my hand and Sam stepped onto the stump. He was so proud of himself: he kept going off and coming back and made us mark it with a big rock. When his mother got home he made her come out on the deck at least a dozen times to see him standing on the stump.

I really like that kid. I like that he remembered that and that it actually had meaning to him.

I wish I could conquer fears like that. I wish I could swim out into the lake, not being able to necessarily see what I’m afraid of, and find myself standing on it, conquering it.

Joshua 1:9

Well…

Well, today is the last day of classes, tomorrow is study day, and finals start on Wednesday. All in all, I have no idea where the semester went. Oh wait. I know. It went to O. because I spent more weekends than is healthy there, meaning approximately 5. That’s 1/3 of my weekends. Insane.

Oh well. I really want this week to be over. I have a final on Wednesday, two on Thursday, and one on Friday. Then another the following Monday. But if I make it to the weekend, I’m home free-ish.

I’ve been sort of in that mood to push everyone away lately. I guess in a sense I feel like they’re pulling away so I should too. We’ll see how that goes.

I’m ready for break. I think the first couple days will be hermit days. Mom, Dad, and Charanna will go to work and the cats and I will hang out and just relax a bit. Then I’ll start field trips and whatnot.

The construction is going on outside my room right now. Thankfully, they didn’t work Saturday this weekend so I slept until 11! I needed it.

Well, I need to get to work, compiling notes for studying and such.

More sometime later.

just… tired.

I’m just tired… and frustrated. And sick of always missing people. There’s never enough time, never.

tomorrow

If I make it through Wednesday, I will be a happy person. I have a presentation. I do not like public speaking. I am also unprepared.

On Friday night, I am going to Marjorie’s house! I am so excited. But I have much to do in the meantime. Hopefully I can focus the next few days on what is essential, homework-wise.

I miss just being able to hang out, pop down to the laundry room to chat, etc. But soon!

Oh Friday,
Salvation is thy name.
Fill me with joy,
With comfort,
With Love.
I long for Friday’s cheerful embrace.
Soon.

Summer Rain

by Amy Lowell

All night our room was outer-walled with rain.
Drops fell and flattened on the tin roof,
And rang like little disks of metal.
Ping!– Ping!– and there was not a pinpoint of silence between them.
The rain rattled and clashed,
And the slats of the shutters danced and glittered.
But to me the darkness was red-gold and crocus-coloured
With your brightness,
And the words you whispered to me
Sprang up and flamed– orange torches against the rain.
Torches against the wall of cool, silver rain!

So, I really like this poem. I don’t know exactly why. I just identify with it. For some random reason.

Enjoy it.

*gasp*

They didn’t have two things of grape tomatoes. I had to get one grape tomato and one cherry tomato. It was almost a disaster. Just kidding.

Harvest dinner was good. Turkey was absolutely delicious.

I get to go “home” on Friday. I am excited, lemme tell ya.

Strange…

I feel… strange. Like I want to push everyone away from me. Yet I want them to be with me all the time. It’s odd.

I miss my Aunt Beast, even though I saw her two hours ago. I guess I just want to talk to her more. It’s weird.

But I just want to write. I haven’t wanted to write passionately for a long time. I just want to write everything and anything and to have it feel good. I want to write about life. I want to write about love. I want to be deep. I want to be poetic.

I want to love God like I’m supposed to. I want to be the Christian I’m supposed to be.

It’s strange how I connect writing and God. I think expression and God are intertwined in a lot of ways. David was a poet. Solomon was a writer.

I think that since I will be home next year, and perhaps the next, that I will focus a lot of my time on improving my creative writing. On making my ability to express myself key in my life.

I want to be a writer again. Not just an English major.

More on this sometime later.

I have to go get 2-3 cucumbers, 2 things of grape tomatoes, and a giant container of sour cream.

Bye!

oh my.

My housemate and his girlfriend, whom I thought had left for an event on campus, just came all the way up to my third floor room to show me that they had one of the other’s gloves on and that they were holding hands with the same colored gloves. 

Suffice it to say, I gagged and pretended to vomit. 

They laughed. Then left.

maybe a side job… haha.

Apparently news of my ability to defragment a hard drive is spreading. Papa Don, accountant at O. was asking Marjorie when I would next be around because his computer is running slow. I’m going to have to start charging. 

I love early morning phone calls. 

Off to office hours for Modern American Lit. Oh Papa Don…