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At the beginning of February
Groundhogs peek their heads from holes
See the ground still covered with snow
And retreat
Back to their holes
To deep slumber
At the beginning of April
We fools emerge from our homes
Only to have days filled with foolishness
Broken cell phones and accident prone friends
We should have crawled back into bed
And waited for winter to truly dissipate
As soon as we saw the ground still covered in snow.
*dedicated to Bruce
“The impossible dream
isn’t”
I read on the car wash sign
in Not-My-College Town
at eleven o’clock on a starry night.
Maybe it’st he fact that I’m exhausted,
but the wisdome from those plastic letters
seems more real
than anything I’ve been told lately.
and maybe it’s irresponsible
to take advice from a cliché sign
at a car wash…
But it’s optimism is as refreshing
as jumping into a cool lake
Naked.
So here I come
I’m diving
into an unplanned life
where dreams that seem impossible
aren’t.
And anything can happen.
Ode to the Final Straw
Thank you.
Thank you. So. Freaking. Much.
Others have come before you,
With their challenges,
Their inconsistencies,
Their ubiquitous, frustrating nature.
Others before you have tried.
Others before you have failed.
But you,
You,
You came along and changed everything.
For a moment, all the rest paled
Compared to you,
As if they never mattered.
But now,
I’m standing in the middle
Of a windowless room
While straws rain ceaselessly
Around my outstretched arms.
As I fall to my knees,
The rain slows, then stops.
One
Final
Straw
Wafts down and lands on my head.
Thank you. So. Freaking. Much.
I could live yesterday over and over again. The weather was hot but beautiful. I got to have breakfast with a good friend. I sat outside for half an hour before class, drinking a can of mocha flavored Starbucks Doubleshot. Then another friend and I left class early. We went to the gas station where she bought the same drink I had earlier and I got a slice of pizza so I wouldn’t be starving at work. We hung out in the park for probably 45 minutes, taking ridiculous pictures. It was glorious. Work was way too hot and busy. But I still wouldn’t change it. After work, I ran through the shower and watched TV for a bit then went to another class, which we had outside! Then I came back to the house, made some tuna salad so it would be cold later, then went outside and read for over an hour. Another friend stopped by so she could do laundry at the Commons. Then House was on.
Sure, some stuff wasn’t great, like putting too much mayo in my tuna or having to work in the hot dining hall. But it was a really good day. And I would live it over and over again, every part.
I found myself at (big surprise) Margie’s house on Wednesday evening. Sam was reading the Reese’s Puffs box which had a list of things to do before you turn 18. We went through the list. I hadn’t done a lot of them. Neither had he. He read one about conquering one’s biggest fear. Then he said, “I did that! Last summer, remember, the tree stumps!”
Sam used to be afraid of tree stumps in the water (long story but yes they are there). There are, in fact, several in the water by Sam’s house where he’d swim. I found one and I was standing on it being silly, as usual. I tried to get Sam to come out to it. He was hesitant. But he put on his crocs and swam out all the time asking, “Where is it? Am I going to hit it?” “No Sammy, I’m standing on it.” As he got closer and could no longer touch the bottom I could tell he was scared. I held out my hand and Sam stepped onto the stump. He was so proud of himself: he kept going off and coming back and made us mark it with a big rock. When his mother got home he made her come out on the deck at least a dozen times to see him standing on the stump.
I really like that kid. I like that he remembered that and that it actually had meaning to him.
I wish I could conquer fears like that. I wish I could swim out into the lake, not being able to necessarily see what I’m afraid of, and find myself standing on it, conquering it.
Joshua 1:9
Well, today is the last day of classes, tomorrow is study day, and finals start on Wednesday. All in all, I have no idea where the semester went. Oh wait. I know. It went to O. because I spent more weekends than is healthy there, meaning approximately 5. That’s 1/3 of my weekends. Insane.
Oh well. I really want this week to be over. I have a final on Wednesday, two on Thursday, and one on Friday. Then another the following Monday. But if I make it to the weekend, I’m home free-ish.
I’ve been sort of in that mood to push everyone away lately. I guess in a sense I feel like they’re pulling away so I should too. We’ll see how that goes.
I’m ready for break. I think the first couple days will be hermit days. Mom, Dad, and Charanna will go to work and the cats and I will hang out and just relax a bit. Then I’ll start field trips and whatnot.
The construction is going on outside my room right now. Thankfully, they didn’t work Saturday this weekend so I slept until 11! I needed it.
Well, I need to get to work, compiling notes for studying and such.
More sometime later.
I’m just tired… and frustrated. And sick of always missing people. There’s never enough time, never.
If I make it through Wednesday, I will be a happy person. I have a presentation. I do not like public speaking. I am also unprepared.
On Friday night, I am going to Marjorie’s house! I am so excited. But I have much to do in the meantime. Hopefully I can focus the next few days on what is essential, homework-wise.
I miss just being able to hang out, pop down to the laundry room to chat, etc. But soon!
Oh Friday,
Salvation is thy name.
Fill me with joy,
With comfort,
With Love.
I long for Friday’s cheerful embrace.
Soon.
by Amy Lowell
All night our room was outer-walled with rain.
Drops fell and flattened on the tin roof,
And rang like little disks of metal.
Ping!– Ping!– and there was not a pinpoint of silence between them.
The rain rattled and clashed,
And the slats of the shutters danced and glittered.
But to me the darkness was red-gold and crocus-coloured
With your brightness,
And the words you whispered to me
Sprang up and flamed– orange torches against the rain.
Torches against the wall of cool, silver rain!
So, I really like this poem. I don’t know exactly why. I just identify with it. For some random reason.
Enjoy it.
They didn’t have two things of grape tomatoes. I had to get one grape tomato and one cherry tomato. It was almost a disaster. Just kidding.
Harvest dinner was good. Turkey was absolutely delicious.
I get to go “home” on Friday. I am excited, lemme tell ya.
